Why leaders need to change what comes naturally

The dynamics of personal interactions are fascinating to observe. One aspect of communication that often strikes me is what appears to be a widespread tendency for people to speak, rather than listen. When conversations commence, people generally follow social rules, going through the formalities of enquiring as to how the other person is, as a platform to enable them to share their personal stories. Even when there is genuine interchange, the focus swings between the personal stories and insights of one person to the other. Next time you listen to a conversation, take note of the number of times the word 'I' is used!

Given we're 'wired' to focus on 'I', this presents a big challenge for leaders. To what extent are leaders genuinely interested in hearing the views of those they lead? Too often, we come across leaders whose propensity is to hold the floor sharing their insights.

But honing a capacity to listen is not enough.

We believe another aspect of the way we are wired relates to the FRM - the 'Feedback Resistance Meter'! Put simply, the FRM relates to the inclination for people to resist feedback that is less than positive.

The FRM can be manifest in many ways - denial, justification, avoidance and attribution being the most common. If a leader displays any or all of these (and remember, these are typical human traits), there are consequential UGRs (unwritten ground rules) that will emerge. One of these, at its most basic, is 'Around here, you're better off not to share negative feedback with bosses'.

Remember, we're pointing here to two traits that come naturally to most of us - a desire to speak more than listen, and a tendency to resist feedback that is less than positive.

It follows that leaders must work against these natural dispositions to be able to carry out their work as leaders.

Something worth pondering.